Monday, July 21, 2014

Ever Time I Post

At Firstmoms Forum I get some action on my face view page. Although, I haven't posted anything since last year. Promising, I would post more frequently. Guess the time has slipped by being busy and all.

Wish I could think of more to post but I think I am done when it comes to adoption. There are those that read because they have lost a baby. Then there are those that read to defend adoption. To be fair there are those that post after adopting touting how horrible adoption is and justify they are different. They want their child to know...but do they really. I would venture to say no...and just saying that does not make it so. When the child they raised wants to search out comes the "feelings" poor me. After, all those that haven't been adopted and adopted have no clue. They just "feel" hurt and sad.

Well, if you ever lost a baby at birth to adoption you would feel those feelings plus a whole other myriad of feelings. I really think EVERY person should give one baby up for adoption.
Even those who only have one child lets not leave anyone out from experiencing this life time of loss.
Those that think its so great would actually have a clue to what they are talking about and adoption wouldn't exist because they would understand it isn't an experience anyone should have to go through in their lifetime. Babies, need their moms and vice versa but for some reason adopted babies are less important to the average American. As long as it isn't their baby no problem. Somebody else's will be fine. Who cares? Not them. And of course if you are the one that is getting a baby..

As I age I think less of the human race for this horrendous, inhumane act. Thought up by man to make another woman feel like she is mother. Taking another woman's baby at birth is criminal in my mind. It is an act that only an unloving, uncaring, ruthless, person could do to another person. Any, woman that takes a baby from another should be sure that baby is an actual orphan with no mother.
Of course this would never happen because these very same women want a baby of "their" own. To pretend they gave birth to at the same hospital at the same moment as its mother did. I can remember seeing those faux facts on my son's amended birth certificate. Lies, lies, and more make another woman whole and tearing apart the mother's life along with her baby's life.

 I am ashamed at being put in that position for the mere act of getting pregnant. How many women have done that before marriage? How many forced marriages have come about because of a pregnancy? I would venture to say more that those that are conceived after marriage. How many babies have had to lose their families because a judging, society deems them not a family.
How many marriages split up after the baby is born? What type of society thinks saving face is better than keeping a family intact? By intact I mean mother and baby together even without the father being in the picture.

Oh,  yeah, there are always those who say I don't want to support a mother and baby. These idiots are supporting adoption through the vast amount of exemptions people get from exemptions for adopting.
Why should my tax money be used to do that? I can tell you why because our government has lobbyists that lobby and pay legislatures off for passing laws that hurt people that have been adopted.
Legislatures, have also taken advantage of closed record laws allowing records to be sealed in some cases for as long as the people that have been affected the most can't pay off these.

 I want family together and I have lived a life without my son so I can tell you its unhealthy, unnatural, and cruel.

Friday, March 1, 2013

The sun is rising, sitting having a cup of coffee at Starbucks. What a beautiful morning although cold about 34 degrees in sunny Cali.  Yesterday, I posted that I will be trying to add new posts regularly as I have a new laptop. I am enjoying it very much.

As a mother who lost her son to adoption in the mid sixties. I feel I have the need to speak about adoption. I have lived with it for almost 47 years now. A painful, and ugly experience that no woman should EVER have to experience.

The reason I experienced it was because I was 17 years old when I gave birth young but not that young old enough to know that my son would have been fine with me. I knew this because I had given birth to his sister she was born in 63. I was allowed to keep her my mom had just met her new boyfriend and I feel he wasn't going to shake things up with her by suggesting adoption for her first grandchild. After all he had three kids of his own who needed a mom. He was looking for a caretaker or wife or both after all he own problems. So he spotted my mom a divorcee and took on her five kids. We kids thought this was great our mom wouldn't be along and would have a faux father who could make her happy.
Ahh, were we wrong but again how would we know people pretend they are one thing and then present themselves as something different after the fact.

I digress a bit after I had my daughter in 63 things were going fine. I had her dad with me as much as he could be a full time student into athletics. I was a full time student to no mommy and me classes. I also had my mom's full time help at least while I was in school. I did well in school and really should have been guided to a college. In those days parents or at least my parents did not guide me to that route. He decided to enlist in the service the Vietnam War was on and he had a friend that talked him into it. He had not discussed this with me. His father and my mom and stepthing had decided that we weren't going to get married. We would have needed a court order because of our youth. If we had been allowed to marry I wouldn't have lost my son. I also wonder and often think my kids would have their dad as he wouldn't have enlisted.  I often think back on the adults in my life. Dictating my life as if they knew best in reality they knew nothing. I look at the agony they caused with their ignorance and then look at those decisions that were made were made to punish me. Punishing, me because I got  pregnant, punishing me with separating my son from his full sister and me. He had a family already. He didn't need a strange woman adopting him. He didn't need another family. Its too bad my step thing didn't have to give his kids away after they lost their mom. He had no one to care for them. In stepped my mom. While they were giving my baby away his kids were being cared for by my mom. 
    Old enough to know his adoption was wrong and wishing as a young 17 year old the social worker had been more honest with me. That wasn't her job she was working for the other side the adopters those that felt they needed a baby any baby to make themselves feel whole or whatever one feels when they don't have something  everyone else seems to have that being a baby.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Happy Birthday America!!!!!

  •   As Americans we have many rights and freedoms. Some given by our forefathers fought with their blood, sweat, and tears. Others given to us as inalienable rights. Those rights one might not be able to see or touch but if taken we would know they were gone. We as Americans need to cherish our rights, not take them for granted and fight if need be to keep our cherished rights.               
  •   Sadly, it seems in our everyday busy life more and more of our rights are being taken from us. We Americans need to ensure our future by making sure we are not letting our politicians take advantage and take more and more of our personal liberties. Little by little that is happening as we have seen in the last few years. Those in power will only be able to step on our rights and liberties just so much and the true freedom lovers will sacrifice.

That first paragraph is something that many of us have learned over the years when growing up. We know we have rights and of course get so busy we don't stop to think others don't have those same rights even in United States. Every citizen has the same rights you say we are all allowed the same freedoms. Not true.

There is a certain amount of people who do not have the same freedoms as you and I. I can apply for my birth certificate and 
get my true and accurate birth certificate. Naming my mother and father and all other true information relating to my birth.
Those that have been adopted get an altered record without the true names of their mother and father. The people that adopt them are put in place as their parents. The truth is they are not
thus the true and legal document is altered. The altered document is substituted with names that have no true relation.

My son is one of these adoptee's and although we were able to obtain his true birth certificate he has that other altered document full of untruths. He was born to me his mother not the person that adopted him. Two mother's can't give birth to the very same baby at the exact minute. A lie, covered up to protect
not him nor me. To try and ensure we will never have the same rights as others the right to know our true blood relations. 

Today, as many adoptee's struggle to find a living person related to them by blood. Let's stop and think is this what an American citizen must do just because they are adopted? It is an horrible situation to be in and many do not care or want to know the truth as long as it doesn't affect them. Let me tell you it does because we as a nation have more adopted babies, children and adults than all the world put together. WE all know an adoptee who has been denied his rights, just because he was adopted. 

Sunday, July 17, 2011


   This five letter word was used when I called back my contact an adoptee who knew how to enter the data bases that are accessed for many on or off internet. I have not heard this word in my own reunion since 1992 but get a special feeling whenever I hear it used by others especially those that have been involved in searches.
   Something so profound yet so longed for by many the word found. Little did I know my own search would end when I went to a meeting where an adoptee was being escorted out of the meeting you had been in charge of that evening. She had the presence of mind to pass out phone numbers and tell us she was meeting at local pizza parlor if we wanted to join her. I instead stayed and listened to meeting, took, notes and then called the number on the piece of paper the next day. Within a week or so I heard my
found on the other end of the telephone. Relieved and scared I made my call a call I had waited 26 years for a mere drop in the bucket for some. A lifetime of loss, a lifetime of missing and wondering if my son had survived. When I called he was celebrating his birthday although not his birthday it was a weekend and convenient to celebrate on that day. How ironic I would call and see him that night. As the doorbell rang I walked over and looked through small glass pane to see my baby a grown mad looking back at me for our first face to face. A face that had his papas look yet the handsome face of a face I had seen while growing up my brothers faces. He is a cross between his families like we all are a mix of blondness with blue eyes with a strong jaw and handsomely shaped face of my family combined with his papas. I was given some beautiful yellow roses, and held my arms out to embrace my baby for the first time. FOUND!



Saturday, July 2, 2011

My Truth/Lies in Adoption and Why I Will SPEAK

In 1966, my son was taken for adoption. I was 17 years old and still in high school. I was a perfectly normal young woman. No drugs, no alcohol in my life. In fact, I was already a mother to my daughter who was 2 1/2 years old when I had her full brother. Their father was a young man who had enlisted in the service. He had just finished basic and advanced training when I had our son. I really don't know why I was forced to give up my son. I do think my mom felt he wasn't going to marry me. Well not at that moment for sure. The Army was busy training him for other things. Families in those days were a burden to a man according to the Army. Nowadays, the Army sees it as something important a support. Not in the 60's. 
By the time he got home I had already gave birth, our son was in foster care although I was not told this fact. I did find this out that this was the normal process. Little did I know and of course they were not about to let me care for him as I would have bonded and the powers that be had another woman waiting to take him. While my son was taken from the hospital, to a strangers home who they paid to care for him. In those days it was all about saving a buck but were they saving money? Foster care from the day he was born, and then the wait to see if I dared try to contest the adoption. If I even had an inkling to do so I know from other moms they made sure they had an airtight custody of the baby. After, all I guess I was a potential welfare candidate although I knew nothing about what was available to keep my baby. The worker was doing a job and she sure wasn't going to help me. She was a social worker who is supposed to help people in a time of need but I guess my need wasn't important or good enough. The only person she helped was the person that acquired my baby. I never saw a lawyer, court or even a legal paper after the adoption took place. Legal proceedings require papers but not with adoption mothers had no rights to them and the
people who were involved in adoption made sure we mothers were given nothing.  
    I am no longer remaining silent and tell my truth whenever I can. Usually, there are those who question how was he taken for adoption. Not many understand the times then mothers that were single and unmarried especially white women were used for purposes of acquiring a baby for women who couldn't have them. For all the women who were used in this atrocious manner I applaud you for your survival. I also would like to add that hopefully you have reunited and have found some type of peace inside yourself. My peace has been joining others who have gone through the same experience. Attending functions, marches and talking about this horrendous and vicious act.
If you doubt that the act of taking a baby from its mothers is horrendous or vicious I recommend you giving up a baby of your own. Try it and although that sounds absurd I ask you to think before you speak as you know nothing about living this painful and devastating life. Never knowing if your baby survived or was being abused. It is an inhumane way to survive for anyone. I have even had those who adopted
suggest it was for the best or I deserved to lose my baby. To you I say there is nothing better about being adopted. My baby would have been so much better off with me his mom. He would have grown up with a loving family. His family he would have known the truth from the start instead of learning the truth 26 years into his life. As far as me deserving losing I didn't deserve that and it was used as a punishment as it had been in the past. Punished for creating a life, punished for being unmarried and pregnant. 
Even criminals get their day in court and get some type of justice before a judge and jury. I never got either judge nor jury just tried in the court of society, along with my parents who for whatever in the hell they thought was best for me and my little family it wasn't and it has forever changed me and my family. EVEN them but of course thats another story for they would have to admit some complicity in my loss. Admitting and taking some responsibility is very hard for anyone but not impossible. I am still waiting for acknowledgement to their parts. I am sure it will be a cold day in hell when and if my mother will ever take a bit of responsibility. 
Instead of shaming me and not being there she could step up now and be present. Maybe, on her deathbed I will hear her say "I was wrong" but I will not hold my breathe. I have openly told her that all parents make mistakes hoping she could acknowledge that fact and go on to talk. As a parent I have made plenty and will acknowledge that and tried to rectify them in the best way for my family. I have taken some steps that I took to make it easier but obviously she feels nothing or will go to her grave without acknowledgement of her part in my son's adoption.

My truth makes others uncomfortable. When I speak my truth others try to silence me. They give me condescending remarks. Such as it happened for a reason. Or it was meant to be which is an absurdity in itself. Why would a person think separating a mother from its baby
be ok?