The sun is rising, sitting having a cup of coffee at Starbucks. What a beautiful morning although cold about 34 degrees in sunny Cali.  Yesterday, I posted that I will be trying to add new posts regularly as I have a new laptop. I am enjoying it very much.

As a mother who lost her son to adoption in the mid sixties. I feel I have the need to speak about adoption. I have lived with it for almost 47 years now. A painful, and ugly experience that no woman should EVER have to experience.

The reason I experienced it was because I was 17 years old when I gave birth young but not that young old enough to know that my son would have been fine with me. I knew this because I had given birth to his sister she was born in 63. I was allowed to keep her my mom had just met her new boyfriend and I feel he wasn't going to shake things up with her by suggesting adoption for her first grandchild. After all he had three kids of his own who needed a mom. He was looking for a caretaker or wife or both after all he own problems. So he spotted my mom a divorcee and took on her five kids. We kids thought this was great our mom wouldn't be along and would have a faux father who could make her happy.
Ahh, were we wrong but again how would we know people pretend they are one thing and then present themselves as something different after the fact.

I digress a bit after I had my daughter in 63 things were going fine. I had her dad with me as much as he could be a full time student into athletics. I was a full time student to no mommy and me classes. I also had my mom's full time help at least while I was in school. I did well in school and really should have been guided to a college. In those days parents or at least my parents did not guide me to that route. He decided to enlist in the service the Vietnam War was on and he had a friend that talked him into it. He had not discussed this with me. His father and my mom and stepthing had decided that we weren't going to get married. We would have needed a court order because of our youth. If we had been allowed to marry I wouldn't have lost my son. I also wonder and often think my kids would have their dad as he wouldn't have enlisted.  I often think back on the adults in my life. Dictating my life as if they knew best in reality they knew nothing. I look at the agony they caused with their ignorance and then look at those decisions that were made were made to punish me. Punishing, me because I got  pregnant, punishing me with separating my son from his full sister and me. He had a family already. He didn't need a strange woman adopting him. He didn't need another family. Its too bad my step thing didn't have to give his kids away after they lost their mom. He had no one to care for them. In stepped my mom. While they were giving my baby away his kids were being cared for by my mom. 
    Old enough to know his adoption was wrong and wishing as a young 17 year old the social worker had been more honest with me. That wasn't her job she was working for the other side the adopters those that felt they needed a baby any baby to make themselves feel whole or whatever one feels when they don't have something  everyone else seems to have that being a baby.